Twin Flames

 It's been a while since I added to this blog. It hasn't been for lack of topics but rather lack of motivation. Since COVID has taken over, I've lost my classroom space and have been teaching online. I didn't realize how long this stint would be going on, and only recently have I realized that it is very likely to be September before I teach students in front of me. So, logging back on the computer after all the planning, testing of sites, and actual teaching I've had to do has been less than enticing. But as was the case for my previous posts, I felt the urge to write about this topic today.

Twin Flames. 

It is highly likely you have either never heard the term or have heard about it and discounted its validity. When referring to the signs of their presence in an oracle reading, I often give the abbreviated definition of an intense kind of soul mate and leave it at that. I have always bowed to the experts for explanations. The truth of the matter is that I now feel that only someone who has experienced being on a twin flame journey can explain it. So what you will read today is my interpretation of the journey as I have experienced it. Please take it for that (only my experience), and use your intuition to make up your mind about it. 

OK, so what are twin flames?

Twin flames are actually two parts of the same soul. Whereas soul mates are two complete souls, twin flames are actually one soul split into two bodies. Many people have interpreted this as meaning that twin flames > soul mates. That isn't my belief at all. I do feel that souls that have lived many lifetimes are given the choice to become twin flames. Is it a reward? You can judge for yourself once I tell you all about the journey. (Hint: No way).

So that means you and your twin flame are exactly alike?

No. I feel that most twin flames are probably more different than alike. They most likely have a good balance of personality traits that create as much tension as peace in their relationship.  My twin flame has a birthday only days away from mine, but this doesn't seem to hold any significance beyond the fact that we are both Libras. While this could mean we both like balance in our lives, our relationship did not reflect that at all. I believe soul mates have more in common with each other than twin flames.  Attaining a peaceful symbiosis is more likely when you have a relationship (romantic or platonic) with a soul mate. On the other hand, your twin flame will trigger your greatest fears and insecurities.  Both people  have deep wounds to heal and unlearned lessons from previous lifetimes. I know in my case he triggered several of my emotional wounds such as self-worth and abandonment issues. However, this painful interaction leads to the best part of being a twin flame: the healing journey.

What's this journey you mentioned above?

It is my belief that all souls have a plan upon entering a human. Carolyn Myss calls this a sacred contract. Basically, our souls know how blessed we are to live in this world created by Spirit. There are so many experiences to be had, and our souls get to choose which ones to sign up for. Now, that doesn't mean that a soul decides to be born into poverty or into an abusive family. But something about those circumstances will provide the soul the opportunity to experience and build positive qualities such as enduring perseverance or perhaps unconditional compassion for others. Often souls are determined to experience lessons which weren't learned in previous lives. Our souls also may strive to heal and to gain clarity on issues which were challenging in past lives. 

Most of the journey is to experience these lessons and to grow from them.  "Doing the work" is a term thrown around in many self-help books but it perfectly describes what the journey encompasses. It is hard and often lonely work. It demands reflection, prayer, meditation, and sometimes a total overhaul of your belief system. The responsibility for growth is placed firmly on your shoulders. This is the primary grind for all twin flames. However, some souls include striving for reunion with their other half as an equally important part of the journey. Again, this is not a hierarchy where some twin flames are more pure or more worthy of reunion than others. I believe Spirit decides which souls need the reunion and which don't. I also feel that free will plays a large part in any reunion. To be honest, I'm not sure if all of these twin flames unions are romantic but mine is. What I do know is that reunion isn't guaranteed or even needed to fulfill your soul mission.  

This all sounds a bit woo-woo. Can you give me any specifics? 

I can only tell you what I have experienced on this journey. Each journey, like each life, is different. I will give some specifics on the major parts of the journey as I have experienced it so far. 

All Twin Flames have signed up to learn lessons.

I feel being independent and realizing the inner strength to be alone has been one of my biggest lessons. I've lived alone for most of my adult life, and most of my romantic partnerships have been short in duration. My 20s and 30s were spent alternating between wanting to be married and wanting be left the hell alone. After gathering a small library of self-help books and finally connecting with a great therapist, I felt more comfortable in my own skin. I also started to enjoy being single instead of always longing for what I didn't have.

Since meeting my twin flame, I've also learned that most of my past relationships were doomed because of my codependency. All but two of my past boyfriends were drug addicts and/or alcoholics. My attitude was always "He needs me".  As I've gone on this twin flame journey, I've realized that it was me who was needy. I was addicted to that romantic rush of being in a relationship. Once it came down to working on issues, I was ready to run. Plus, neediness is not a good look on me at all. In the 8 years since first meeting my TF,  I have come to realize that building a strong relationship is actually part of the work I was meant to do. It may or may not be with my TF, but that is part of the journey I have yet to experience. I also know that not being in a relationship does not define my worth as a woman. I am letting go of the need for approval from others. 

Another A-HA I stumbled onto during this journey is the importance of self-love. Yes, that self-help library must have communicated that message over one million times, but my interpretation was askew. I always felt that self-love was just a consolation prize. The grand prize was being loved by someone else. I now realize that without self-love I was bound to sabotage any relationship. Before this journey, being without a partner was a shame I felt deep down to my bones. I felt like there was something wrong with me. Practicing acts of self-love have helped me adjust my attitude and feel peace in my heart. The grand prize of self-love trumps any relationship out there. 

Twin Flames do their best healing apart from each other. 

This here is the difficult and shitty part of the whole twin flame journey. Although meeting my twin flame was unlike any other experience I've ever had, it didn't lead to a romantic relationship. Yes, I felt immediately that I knew my TF and that we were meant to meet. Yes, I fell head over heels in love with him although we had nothing more than a platonic friendship. It's been over 5 years since I've even laid eyes on him. Yet, I know that our meeting was the catalyst for my growth ever since. My heartache over our separation led me to question and clarify my beliefs. I feel closer to Spirit now than when I would attend mass weekly. I pray and meditate for self-healing and strength daily and have developed my third eye and crown chakras to help me give advice and guidance to others as part of my oracle readings. None of that would have happened without the experience of meeting my twin flame. I'm sure he is also healing but unlike 30 year old Fran, I now know it is not my job to oversee it. As curious as I may be, his healing is an inside job that I have no right to know about. 

Twin Flames don't always meet or reunite after healing. 

I already feel blessed to have met my twin flame. Not everyone has that opportunity.  In my book our past is a win because it led me to transform myself in so many positive ways. The truth is I would love to reunite with my twin flame. But he has his journey to travel, and it may not include me. While that does occasionally make me sad, I now realize that I've already gained so much from this relationship. Best not to be too greedy with the Universe. 

I'm still on this journey and will be until the day I die.  Here is where the twin flame > soul mate equation is proven to be so wrong. While chances are that my twin flame and I won't reunite, there are other soul mates who are out there. If I end up in a relationship with one of them, great! I will give my heart freely because the person he falls in love with has been shaped for the better by this twin flame journey.